Ownership Vs. Relationship

Over time there is one thing I have learned the difference between and that is Ownership vs Relationship.  You are in either a ownership or relationship.  I know that I want a relationship, not an ownership.  To think that I own anyone whether it be their feelings, time, or actions is non-sense and it is not a humbling experience.

I see so many of my relatives and friends they go through problems then in order for them to work it out it is by demanding their significant other to check in with them, give them a play by play of their day or actions and yes they may make you feel better but what should make you feel bad as a human being to think that by you controlling any of their emotions or actions based on “Knowing” exactly what it is they are doing equals a relationship because that is an ownership a dictatorship, and well dictatorships do not go over well with common public.  To think you control their exact emotions or thoughts its a superiority problem you have due to low self esteem first off recognize that, and recognize you deserve for a person to respect you out of pure love, nothing more and nothing less.

Respect is KEY in a RELATIONSHIP and the idea of OWNERSHIP  is first and foremost disrespectful.  When you have no respect for another you can never gain it back in that same light, you can get by with this person out of obligation (due to a family) but you can never gain back respect from a person that has been disrespected by yourself in a certain light or whom you have disrespected, you can gain it in other areas or other ways such as not trying to hurt a person, own them, or further disrespect them.

Recognize your motives for controlling a persons actions and also realize you cannot control their emotions/thoughts but you can push them away.  Know that the person you are hurting most is yourself because you are living in an unrealistic realm to believe owning someone is equivalent to being with someone.  Understand you may control things momentarily but that other person has the chance of meeting someone else who will respect them and when they do that will be their cue to leave, or that other person will realize they are worth more than that ownership to further endure more pain/grief that will be their cue to leave.  We have instincts to up-rise and do better rest assure that once we tap into those emotions there is not turning back.  So reflect on what you got going on, and there is no starting over in a relationship but you can build in other areas on a positive note; there sure is room to start over alone. Life/Love is not a fairy-tale it is all about making the best of what you have owning someone is not its best, it is demeaning and hindering to growth we must grow together or apart, you be the judge of that once you realize what works and what doesn’t work for you.

Over and Out

INTIMIDATION

I am 32 years old and I have learned how to not allow a persons intimidation of me affect me negatively.  I had to come home early with a sick baby, 3 stories up outside of my apartment door she accidentally peed on me, got her in and in a luke warm shower she is laid up and sleeping now.  This morning on my Facebook I had put up a picture of my restoration of humanity a man helping a young teenager tie up a tie for an interview, when I re-posted I stated how we need to share more stories like this on social media the positive stories, instead of our views on celebrities.  Some one text me on the post saying that they knew I was being fake and it was an act, WOW I do not know whether he was intimidated by what I said or just me in general because this person mouths their negative opinions at each opportunity.

I have dealt with so much negativity especially growing up, I use to talk about what I wanted to do when I would grow up and my uncles would flat out tell me know it wasn’t going to happen, or no I would just end up 14 pregnant.  It was solid negativity and as I grew up I questioned them, did they think so poorly of me? Or were they disgruntled by having been brought up with a single mother and no father around? Whatever the issue was their intimidation of my dreams and hopes caused them to state what they felt at the time.  No I did not become any of what I wanted to be.

Later on in life my two ex’s also showed signs of intimidation by belittling me, voicing their negative unsolicited opinions about me just blatantly telling me I would never amount to anything.  Putting me down telling me people will not want me with two kids from two dads.  I was dumb, or everything I said was dumb.  I realize now as an adult it was all due to being intimidated by me, they must have seen my potential and did not want me to realize it, whatever their reasons the plain fact is intimidation.  No I am not with anyone at the present moment.

INTIMIDATION IS NOTHING BUT FEAR.  Fear of oneself so when someone who is insecure of who they are and what they are about they signal those insecurities on others, they enjoy making others feel inferior.  I use to be scared of going to child support court (each time my ex solicited these courts) in fear something would go wrong what could possibly go wrong when the man is in the service making over 5g’s a month?  I learned his intimidation tactics and most recently said they wouldn’t work because they haven’t each time he takes me back they raise it.  He has no utter respect for me or my child yet is very vocal and belittling, why one must ask intimidation.  Intimidation is a killer for oneself and that was the part of me I finally set free.  I am not intimidated by ones opinions it is my life.  I am not intimidated by no one not even death because it will happen one day.  I am no longer of prisoner of intimidation nor people being intimidated by me I just learned to voice my concern over their intimidation and move on.

I did not become all I WANTED TO BE but what life’s struggles have allowed me to be, the opportunity to grow and have a chance to get wiser.  No I am not with anyone at the present moment I am alone, but I am not lonely.  No people do not want me with two kids from two different fathers but the right people love me unconditionally and assert their kindness and caring attitudes towards me and my children, I do not need someone to want me I find among many the people to care for me and help me grow, I may find that one person that will help me grow as a human and be supportive as a parent until then I am doing fine with the people in my life right now.  I will be all that I want and choose to be that is great and wonderful and loving.  I will keep attracting the right people into my life and only the good ones will stay.  Do not be a victim of intimidation of love because we all need it, or of hurt because it helps us grow, do not be a victim of intimidation of another human being, just step back and understand their reasoning of their fear; be the superior ever changing positive force that keeps you going.  This is your life after all, you live it and no one else does, live it free of intimidation.

Being Chicana/Being a Woman

Being a Chicana is a struggle, stepping out of tradition gets you in trouble.  They teach us to cook for our husband, to clean for our husband, to stand by our man, what they don’t teach you is what to do when shit hits the fan.

Being Chicana you are stuck in middle of living tradition but also on that modern day mission.  To work for yourself, to get an education, so one day you can pay for your own vacation.

Being Chicana you are looked at as crazy when you do non traditional things; you are looked at as lazy when your house isn’t spotless clean.

Being Chicana you are criticized, desensitized, because you are modernized; its a fear on their end do not let them bring you down, do not let them win.

Being a WOMAN in general is so Divine so do not let their tradition break those lines, the boundaries you build, the education or the skill.  You can be a Woman with a new tradition, your goal can be the negative will not win.  Do not forget your worth do not cave into bitter words.  Being a Woman-chicana, black, asian, white of any type, do not forget we are all caused some kind of strife.  Be who you are, live your life as you please it is only after you are gone they will see, your strength, your wise, the beauty in your eyes.  For the ungrateful cannot appreciate a piece of coal let them leave your life, you reach your goal.  Whatever it maybe have the courage of a lion, the love for many, the knowledge of your experience it is worth more than a penny,  As any piece of coal in any kind pressure rest assure you will be someones treasure, man, woman, child, or any one who likes your style.

Being a WOMAN is so divine please do not grow so blind, do not allow yourself to become bitter, keep moving forward things WILL GET BETTER.

I wrote thee above because I can relate to the chicana struggle, but in every culture our women struggle with tradition, and living life according to some beliefs that for this day in age are so outdated.  I wanted ALL women to know there is beauty in being a woman across any line of culture/faith/race it is beautiful.  Keep moving forward and be strong the strength of courage not with the strength of a rock.  I meet so many woman who are angry, and do not get me wrong I was there before but all I was doing was a disservice to myself.  I am better then that, I am a good person, I am a good woman, I was once a good wife, I am a great mother, I know of courage, I know of love, I know of strength, I know all to well of sacrifice but I am criticized and I have been put down emotionally I have been broken.  No woman should feel bad for their actions if they are with preconceived good intentions.  No woman should feel so much despair they they shut out the world.  It is not a life to live.  Love yourself even if no one else will.

image

image

Over and Out.

50/50 Chance

Many people come to me to talk about their relationships.  I have been through a lot when it comes to the matters of the heart, I have seen others go through a lot both positive and negative, its the negative I try to learn to continue to have a positive look.  As much as I have been through I am in love with love, the burdens of love, the pain of love and the idea of raw authentic love. I think that is what encourages people to come to me I am an optimist.

If you tell me you think your man is cheating do not expect me to say “leave the MFer” I will say “well what are you going to do and do you love him?” If they don’t love their men I say then don’t waste your precious time and leave but if they do, I believe Love conquers all and it can just as much destroy all.  You can stay and both of you work at it, or stay and let his poor behavior destroy it, Love that is. It is a 50/50 chance it can go either way working or not, but you are the one who will choose after all you are the one that has to live your life with your emotions not me.

More recently I listened to a girl talk about being on the side and she began to bring up all of these relationships that started out as affairs and they were successful (Brad Pitt’s, Kevin Hart’s)  I agreed with her 100% but I reminded her You are not a celebrity and each relationship starts out differently.  I had to bring her back down and remind her, every situation has different variables at the end of the day.  I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason as well.

I admire Johnny Cash and June Carter so did my sister when it dawned on her that Johnny was married when he got with June she was no longer a fan (this is what happens with those that lack that life experience) I explained to my sister, well it obviously worked out not all relationships start out ideal but they start where love is found no matter the variable.  My sister probably cannot fathom it because she is happily married, I on the other hand have been divorced, my ex-husband having had an affair gave me the initiative to leave; it happens I wasn’t happy with the affair of course I found my peace in it, they are happily married going on 7 years now, and really it was not meant for us he was very verbally abusive so I appreciate the intrusion I would have not seen this had I stayed so Passively with him.

This is what I had posted on my FB regarding another person who complimented my ability to listen and optimistic:

She said “I love talking to u because u give me hope” I said “it’s not hope it just isn’t my business and for any situation it is 50/50, you come at me saying you are with a scrub they may or may not change, you come at me saying u are a side chick it may or may not work out, you come at me saying your family does not like your man they may end up liking him, all I say is it may go in your favor. That is because I have faith in love with love requires perseverance, BUT I will say this there is a difference between perseverance and being passive,  perseverance requires work (in a relationship by 2) being passive is you doing all the work and them doing nothing” she:”wow” me: now go ahead and ask me why I am single lol I refused to be passive. I feel the right person will come along and it’s never in a fairy tale way.

It is 50/50 chance you do not know how a relationship will develop it can go either way but remember your worth while working at it, I will say remember that it takes 2 and if the 2 of you are not working and you are being passive, THEN you should leave because more then likely only one person loves the other in that situation and that person is YOU.  And you to deserve to be loved just as much as the other person.  DO NOT forget your worth while loving or you will do ALL of the loving, know that any relationship that does not start out ideal you have a 50/50 chance it works in your favor (It maybe in your favor that it does not work out but you may not see that prematurely).

Over and Out

Lost and found

I lay here thinking of my perfectly imperfect life, sometimes it crosses my mind at how different my kids, family and friends life would be with out me. I logically reflect on my self worth. Tonight though in my thinking I think of that song Hero by Mariah Carey and it rings so true a hero lies in you. If you are lost make sure you make an effort to be found by none other then yourself.
I have been lost so many times before, early on in adulthood I was lost in love with my first marriage so lost that I did not know I fully existed until that marriage was over it took that for me to piece myself together, but I found myself.
I went on to be lost after that marriage with poor behavior and at the moment I thought it was fine, but I really was not fine I had lost myself again in a selfish way, but then I found myself and got myself back on track I got a home and what not.
I ended up lost again, not happy and even though it seemed like I was getting it together I was not happy where I was, with what life and lie I was living and I truly did not realize how unhappy I was until I moved out to GA. It took me fully removing myself from a life and situations to help me see clearly to see how bitter I was towards life in particular towards men.
I did not realize that i was lost in anger and I was so unhappy I let myself go physically and emotionally. when I chose to move, I chose to put some distance between myself and factors that made me unhappy.
I found myself and let my guard down this fence that did not need to be there because I am a good person I do not mean harm to all I do not need to be a bitch to get my point of anger across, that I can show the good side of me that once upon wife side of me to all that would appreciate it. Now I am not becoming everyone’s wife but I am being supportive of those needing support having their back man or woman as a friend and they in return have done the same for me. I have restored hope in humanity.

And i am happy i still have the same problems but i have met people who help me think more logical about how to deal with them. I am learning to trust myself, to trust my heart, to trust the hero in me. I may fail myself but that is how I learn through life choices and it’s my responsibility to not go back to the poor choices that got me lost.

Trust yourself people to know when you lose yourself the hero, in you, will find you. At any difficult moment it is hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel and it may seem difficult but once you get past that you will find that it was a small chapter in this crazy beautiful book of life. So here is to a new year new you, trust yourself to find yourself when you are lost, we all get lost in life no one is perfect.

Over and out.

I AM IN LOVE

I am in love with life, i am in love with its complications, I am in love with myself and my current situation, I am in love with my children, I am in love with my pets, let it be known this love has no regrets.  I am in love with my family, I am in love with my friends, I am in love and my love for them has no end.  I am in love this notion all should embody, I am in love with my attitude I am in love with my body.  I am in love and that is what sets me apart, from those who want to see me fall apart.  Be in love with me enter my reality, see the changes when you have my mentality.  I am in love although i am alone, I am still searching for someone with whom to share my throne.  I am in love and if this day never arrives I am in love and I am alive.  I am in love with all of my life I am in love even after all of my strife, See love causes pain but this you shouldn’t entertain I am in love and I declare anger is no longer my drain.

So Perfectly Imperfect

I have known pain so I choose love, I have known sorrow so I choose happiness and I cry but only when no one is looking I cry even when I SMILE.

I smile because I know all i have been through and realize that whatever little issues I go through now don’t even phase me.

 

MY LIFE IS NOT PERFECT but I live it to its fullest I welcome light and I love to lay in my own darkness reflecting daily of my accomplishments, that is not perfection its reflection, it’s knowing there is no such thing as perfect and there is not even enough air brushing that could perfect my clear imperfections for they have molded me into who I am.

A PERFECTLY IMPERFECT human being.